Reflection
Hi all welcome back to my blog, it’s my first post this year and I was hoping to start on a positive note but unfortunate the powers that be have other plans for me. Iv always tried to be honest and share everything on here to get it off my own chest and hopeful it might help others, that’s always been my plan.
When I can’t speak I write, it tends to come out like word vomit, nothing makes sense at first glance, its the jumbled up words and sentences in my head, it’s the unsure panic that’s going on internally spills out. Then I need to put it into some order so I can comprehend it myself, it’s my version of self-care I guess, so bear with me…
I’ve realized I have never really been afraid before…..sitting in a hospital by myself realizing something really isn’t right and seeing the uncertain expression on the faces of medical professionals around me was the first time I felt real fear.
And when your left to sit and wait for more answers and a clearer picture you immediately imagine the worst-case scenario…. are my plans going to be cut short? if not will the recovery time be long? & how will this effect the people closest to me? All these questions go around your mind with no answers.
Waiting is the worse thing right now when you’re depending on others to move forward, to make a plan for you. I know I haven’t really gone into detail about what is wrong with me, its because I don’t fully understand it yet. but I will when it clearer, I’ll write a full post, with before and after pictures, hopefully, all will go well. I really wanted to write this post to start with because iv been ill for about 3 months and like most people I used google to diagnose myself, and used supplements and changed my diet in hopes it would help instead of going straight to the emergency room and its something I’m really regretting right now and I hope others will learn from my mistakes.
Thank you so much for checking out this post I really appreciate it, I will have a follow-up post which will give more context and detail which I feel might help others because what I’m dealing with it actually quite common. xx Paula xx